Coping Mechanisms
by greysfan16
Summary: Spoiler Alert! After losing the love of his life Mark Sloan turns to drinking to deal with his grief
1. Acohol

**A/N I just had to write after the heartbreak of last night.**

Coping mechanisms

Mark Sloan sure loved his scotch. He loved it even more now that his Lexie-the love of his life was gone. Scotch did what he needed it to do. It dulled the ache in his heart. It made him forget everything that had happened on that day. It made him forget that he had held Lexie's hand until the end. It made him forget how much he had wanted to join her on the other side.

People were worried about him. He was drinking scotch like normal people drink water. Derek and Callie had tried to get him to see what he was doing to himself but he didn't care. Owen had, had to fire him for coming to work drunk on multiple occasions. Arizona had begged him to see a shrink but Mark refused. Even seeing Sophia didn't help. Though now his access to Sophia was being limited as well because of his drinking.

He had nothing. No family, no job. Everything had been taken from him and he just didn't care. Bottles and cans and glasses littered his apartment. He couldn't remember the last time he had cleaned the apartment or even showered and shaved. He was no longer starting his day off with coffee, but with beer and lots of it. Getting completely hammed before bed was a welcome thing because then he didn't remember anything. He didn't remember anything after he tumbled into darkness.

He had turned to alcohol shortly after Lexie's funeral. Meredith had asked him to say a few words at the service. He had done it-for Lexie but the gaping hole in his heart only made it that much harder to form words on that day. They had made arrangements for Meredith to take Sophia for the night because Callie knew that Mark wouldn't be up for taking care of his beautiful daughter and Arizona was still in the hospital and Callie wanted to spend the night with her. That night he just popped a few sleeping pills and let those do the work.

Even now, six months later Mark still hadn't hit rock bottom yet. He had heard whispers, mainly between Derek and Meredith, that he couldn't be helped until he hit rock bottom because up until then he was refusing any and all help. He was so sick of people whispering about him. Like he was a freaking pyscho. He doubted that Derek would be this high and mighty if it had been Meredith who had died that day.

Even Callie's insisting that Lexie wouldn't want him to do this to himself didn't help. She had tried every tactic in the book and then some. She had paraded both Richard Webber and Thatcher Grey in front of Mark. Well Thatcher Grey was the last person Mark wanted to see. Thatcher Grey reminded him so much of Lexie that looking at him was like a blow to the gut for Mark. After that particular visit, Mark had dove straight into his liquor cabinet and drank himself into oblivion.

He missed her so much. He missed the way her face lit up every time she smiled. He missed her sweet and giving nature. He missed her kisses and her hugs and smiles. He had gone to her gravesite once after the funeral but he swore he'd never do it again. It was too hard for him. His Lexie was in the ground when she should have been here on earth with him, planning a wedding and having kids just like he had promised her on that final day.

He was home, staring into a beer bottle. He had already finished a six pack and he was on his way through a twelve pack. Something was on the TV, he wasn't sure what though. Possibly a basketball game? He was on his fifteenth beer before his stomach lurched and he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the hardwood floor of his apartment. He staggered to his feet and headed towards his bed. He didn't stay on his feet long. His legs were like jelly and he was on the floor again before you could say beer. He smacked his head on a table as he went down and he blacked out before he hit the ground.

Several hours later, Callie found him on the floor with a pool of blood surrounding his head.


	2. Sex

**A/N I decided to make this a three-shot because I do believe Mark will react in one of these three ways after losing Lexie.**

Sex

Prior to becoming a father, Mark Sloan had a reputation. A reputation of chasing anything that was female. Everyone had hoped that by becoming a father and settling down, that he would not resort to sex when things didn't go the way that he wanted them to go. That was before he lost Lexie in a tragic plane crash that nearly cost him his life as well. He was never the same Mark after that.

Oh sure he was still devoted to his daughter, Sophia, but aside from that he was back to his womanizing ways. Sex with strangers was used as a way to dull the pain that he carried with him. Pain over losing Lexie. Pain that he didn't follow her on that fateful day.

On the nights when he didn't have Sophia, he could often be found at Joe's, picking up barely legal women. He would use the scars on his chest to pick up these women and nine times out of ten they would fall at his feet. Calling him brave and strong and all sorts of things that fed his ego. The next morning he wouldn't even remember their names. He'd kick them out of this apartment without saying anything else.

At work he was much the same guy as he had been before Sloane had come around. Before Lexie had invaded his heart and before Sophia's surprise arrival. He was a manwhore. More than once he had been caught with a woman. Usually in the on call rooms, but occasionally in the supply closets. Those closest to him looked at him not with pity but with concern. Derek and Callie in particular were worried about him doing something stupid or getting himself into something that he wouldn't be able to get out of.

Mark knew that he had promised a lot of people a lot of things on that day. There had been promises said and unsaid. Yes he was failing miserably at keeping those promises, but right now, all he cared about was getting his fix. He knew everyone was reluctant to call him a sex addict, but he also knew that word had been tossed around to describe him lately. Especially in the last two months.

There were a new crop of nurses this year. Young, hot and totally naïve. In short, right up Mark's alley. Fresh out of nursing school and eager to get started. Like in the past, there were nurses that flatly rebuked his advances but then there were the nurses who he couldn't drag away fast enough for a quickie round of hot sex. He tried not to think about the fact that most of these women were only a few years older than his oldest daughter.

He wasn't worried about getting fired though because his work had not suffered despite his extracurricular activities that he was engaging in. Surely Owen knew what was going on, but he had no reason to fire Mark over it.

Callie was very firm with him. She insisted that he get tested for everything very frequently because she doubted many of these women had ever been tested themselves. So far, by some crazy miracle, he had been lucky. Of course that may have been because he was being very careful. He didn't want any more Sloans running around. Now that Lexie was gone, he didn't want to have kids with anyone else. Not ever. That didn't mean that he wanted to go completely celibate though. As much as he had loved Lexie, celibacy was never in the cards for Mark. Sex without feelings was quite different than sex with feelings.

Hitting rock bottom with his addiction was never a concern for Mark. He used sex as a means of forgetting what had happened on that day. Forgetting that he had lost the love of his life. Forgetting that he held her hand as she took her last breaths. He was getting his third…no maybe fourth sex fix of the day when his phone rang. He didn't reach for it. Instead he pounded himself further into the blonde woman he was currently screwing. Whoever it was left a message. It was Callie calling to tell him that Sophia had taken her first steps. His baby girl had taken her first steps and he had missed it. That was his rock bottom. The minute he realized that his daughter was suffering because he couldn't find a better outlet for his pain. He was done with this. Done with all of this sex…meaningless sex. His daughter needed him. He pulled out of the nameless blonde and kicked her out of his apartment. He dressed and went across the hall to see his daughter.

His anguished look was all Callie needed to see to know that Mark was done. He was done with this self-destructive pattern. She pulled Mark into her arms and hugged him just as Arizona came into the room. She too could see that Mark was done being selfish. Mark looked at Sophia who was holding on tightly to Arizona's pajama pants. He knelt down on the floor and held out his hands for her, hoping that she would come to him. Without seeming to think about it, Sophia let go of Arizona's pant leg and toddled right into his arms. Mark scooped her up and cradled her close whispering that he was so sorry and that he would try to do better. Be a better father to her because she deserved it.


	3. Suicide

**A/N This will be the hardest one for me to write.**

Suicide

No one ever though that he would do this. He had a daughter who was barely a year old. A great job and some very loyal friends who had stuck by him during the darkest time in his life. They believed that they could pull him out of his severe depression following the plane crash that had cost him the love of his life. But they couldn't. No one could. Mark knew that she was waiting for him and the only way that he would be able to be with her again is if he died too.

He made all the preparations. He bought a gun, made sure that his will was updated so that Sofia would get everything that he owned after he died. He made sure that he was off on a day that Callie and Arizona were also off so that they could take care of Sofia. He made sure to lock the door to his apartment so that no one could come in and cause him to lose his nerve.

Mark never thought he'd get to this point. He was holding his newly bought gun to his temple and his hand was shaking so badly. Mark never thought that things would get so dark that he would want to kill himself. His finger was on the trigger.

He was having second thoughts about this. He loved Sofia and the thought of leaving her fatherless was almost enough to make him change his mind. He had heard that usually when people killed themselves there was a sense of peace about them. Mark didn't feel that sense of peace. He knew that if Sofia wasn't there he probably would. All he knew was that he needed to be with Lexie. This was the only way to do that.

He had convinced himself that Sofia was better off not having a depressed father in her life. He knew that Callie and Arizona would raise her to be a remarkable young woman. Sofia didn't need him as long as she had her moms.

He knew that if he kept thinking about this he would chicken out. He pulled the trigger of his gun and his last thought was of Lexie and how they would finally be together again. They couldn't get their crap together here on earth but maybe they could when he finally got to her, wherever she was. Lexie was truly the love of his life and a big part of him had died the moment that she had left this world.

Several hours later, Callie unlocked the door to Mark's apartment and instantly something felt wrong. She had a feeling that something was horribly wrong. It wasn't until she walked around to the couch that she was hit with images that would plague her sleep for decades afterward. Blood everywhere and Mark's eyes were empty of life but yet they still stared at her. A bullet wound to his temple. God Callie couldn't believe that she had missed the warning signs. She couldn't believe that he had done this. Callie never even considered the possibility that he was depressed enough to do this. She felt for a pulse even though she knew that was pointless. He was already gone. Her best friend and the father of her daughter was gone.

Decades later, all she would remember is her own screams. Screams that Arizona would come running to, thankfully without the baby. Arizona pulled Callie into her arms and she cradled Callie's head, forcing Callie to look away from the horrifying sight. Arizona was in shock that this happened, she couldn't look at him another second. She held Callie as Callie's screams turned to sobs.

"He's with Lexie now." Arizona whispered against Callie's hair. She was desperately trying to offer some sort of comfort to her wife.

Knowing that was probably true comforted Callie. Her heart was ripped apart but Mark was finally with the woman he had loved with his whole heart and that was a comfort to her.


End file.
